On loving with the new mindset
Revolutionarysexual/Revolutionaryromantic: being attracted to revolutionaries only.
my deepest agony is not to be wanted by an incredible revolutionary.
i follow like a lost child one who needs me in the revolution
but not in life
and i search.
it's a numbers game.
stepping into the cool dark of a bar, my eyes search.
right away, someone will return my steel-wool gaze.
likely not a meaningful connection,
but where else do i search but everywhere?
i haul my own dead body to costa rica (colonizer term),
scouring still.
the founder of a school for people with autism,
a metal musician,
a person who believes in the work but is unengaged.
but where is that river of lava,
that chain of electrons that
pops me out of apathy for my own fantasy?
the charge that sends my hand to my pen?
a spark ignites one day,
the fire boring me out from my bones.
then another.
then another.
the heat within, without
conflagrates the pyre of my past.